my gut aches when it remembers all those perfect songs.
oh, how i miss my all-canadian, all-loving, music-making, guitar-picking friends.
why did i ever stop singing?

light,

wishing i knew morning well.

time goes toooo fast,

i like to pierce the skin of clementine’s, just so i can smell sweet orange all afternoon.
by the way: when i talk about one thing it usually means ive been thinking about it for a very, very long time.

i rhymed,

christmas is almost near/cheer/beer. i know this because i've smelly clementine hands.
wishing for a pup, cat, or baby anything to fill my christmas stocking. alas, my eyes, nose, ears and throat would not be too pleased.
but it would be nice to have something rely on me as i do so upon you.
hoping to one day take trains and automobiles to places i have never been. making plans! that will not happen, but its fun all the same.
i will have something interesting to say soon, i promise!
life, life, life. ohhh like a great novel.

fluttering on my finger

dreams of hummingbirds

dreams of my future.
longing/lovers/babies in my belly/some very good food.

gone,

last night i had a dream about my grandmother. she had come to see us, and my whole family scrambled together - we were all aching to see her. she had longer hair then before, it was down to her shoulders (like when she was young). we laughed and cried and hugged and ate. we were so happy, but so scared because we knew that in any moment she would disappear.
i caught her up on my life, she giggled and kissed me and said that she was proud, goodbye. then i awoke.
maybe this is the only way she can visit, i don’t know if i will ever see her again. for how can a mind exist without matter? how does a thought exist without the means to formulate it? it just does not follow. how can someone love while having nothing to contain it?

in anticipation of what is to come,

run rabbit, run.

am,

realizing the importance of human connection and physicality. we aren’t the best in many ways, but we do okay.
striving to become more organic, driven, and perfectly shaven.
chubby knees are not the worst thing.

pet,

lucy loves white antelope too!

note to self:

take more photographs, you are an artist.

wishing i still had the mind of a child.

still here, processing.

i feel the utmost amount of guilt when i think about my new job.
this is, by far, the most selfish thing i have ever done.

a misplaced hair, singing off key,

i dont like perfection. i like speckles and spots and scrapes and bruises. i like the little things that go wrong, the details that make everything unique. cracks and stains and rust and rips are whats best! i like things the most when they are in their natural state. as i get older, more and more, i am growing to love all things imperfect. all things are imperfect.

this month,

i saw the union of two and my grandfathers eyes have been cut straight open. i ripped up carpet! and tomorrow my mother and i will put down wooden floors. i feel so strong sometimes. i feel so sad sometimes, sometimes i feel happy. i have been thinking a lot about the past lately and im finding that i am not angry. i do not regret, i do not resent, i feel basically nothing. (but this may be a little more painful then pain itself. i expect certain things so that i am not disapointed. this will probably backfire huge one day when i am old and grey)
my job has been lost, my job has been lost, all of those peoples jobs have been lost.
my brother gets older on canada day.
i dont want to sound the same as anyone else.

this will be,

things are much slower and time is never wasted.

thinking about,

her.

thinking about,

a giraffes neck, stove top chai, trampolines.

thinking about,

mint on the roof of my mouth, comparing my body to fruit, all those spanish tongues.

thinking about,

a theme, a rhyme, a series.

the greatest compliment,

today my little girl neighbour told me i look like belle!
i wish, i wish.

summer days spent,

this summer is much better then the last. i have myself a new job - i am working at a candy factory. poetic, i think.
a delightful cast of characters accompany me. my neighbour and childhood best friend meaghan - with whom i share many memories of the past with (running into each other with sleeping bags! the little slide in her basement! getting pushed into pools! the little house/shed in her backyard! our crazy puppies playing with each other! and all of those nights our parents tucked us away and out of their hair). there are the ladies from newfoundland, whos accents completely devour everything they say and make them very funny to listen too. there is lola; the older, playful and leggy lady who always makes wonderful faces and sticks out her tongue at everyone. there's goreta from chile - quiet, with thick eyebrows and thighs, a mole on her lip and a voice of low baritone. there are the many old asian women who all have english names, madelina, rachelle and em - they are very hard to understand but adorable and delicate. and last but not least, there is 19 year old rambo - named after the sylvester stallone movie! amazing.
i hope that these months at home bring happiness and rest. the past two summers were terrible, because i was surrounded by horrible people and never got the chance to sleep or see anyone i loved. those days turned me into something awful and changed me completely. i hope that will never happen again.
lately i have learned that happiness truly is much, much more important than money.

he was full of tenderness;
she was very hard.
and as much as she tried to stay thus,
simply, and with no good reason,
he took her into himself,
and set her down
in the softest, softest place.

he's always there.

slowly,

"we're like elephants, you and i!"