Saturday, November 29, 2008

ive been biting my nails far too often these days, im nervous about something.
ive been bating my eyes, im as frail as a leaf.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Monday, November 24, 2008

a circle, a square.

i want to be an elf, a hippie, a love child, a fairy.
i want to be so many things. when i look at groups and crowds and cliques i can only think that i am all of them. i am the goth, the really big geek who sits in the back. i am the world explorer and the loner. i am the principle and the most beautiful girl in school.
i am the dark and light and morning and night. i am the painter and the music maker. i am the christian, the buddist and the nudist. im the really rich kid, and the one who had to steal his bread. i am the bearded and the bald. im a fish. im the baker and the candlestick maker. i am the contradictory, i am the unfinished. i am a circle, i am a square.
i feel like a cat today, like i have 9 lives. i am realizing more and more that there are so many parts of my life that will never know the other parts.
maybe i am confused. but today i am feeling like so many separate things.
(though i probably wont be feeling this way tomorrow.)

on a separate note:
the past week was really good. i baked an apple pie and found a brownies dress among little girls vintage. i peeled clementines, bought baileys liquor chocolates and dried 2 bouquets. i sat amongst friends who quietly strummed guitar, i put a little boy to bed and i stole extra bread. i watched a strange movie, ate a really nice dinner out and kissed romantically by candle light.
this day has been lazy and among other things, im feeling intellectual. the trees are blowing over and guelph is getting another snowfall of the season.
things are so simple because i have made a purpose of not making things complicated. from my past i have learned that things are better left quiet. life is only happy if you focus on what is beautiful. that way, i dont cry too much.
of course i am afraid that soon, things will get twisted. school is very hard and some people i love are in very bad places in their lives. but winter months bring upon so much change. and as the seasons change, i change too. i can only only pray that the inevitable change is good.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

i yearn for a seahorse as a pet. that is going to be my entire christmas list.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

dont stay so far away from me

yesterday was the day of all days.
i saw my greatest (old) friend, whom i (love and) miss more then any friend in the world - because its a very rare occasion that we can see eachother (because of jobs/exams/time and those constant seperating oceans). he played his own amazing music for all my (new) friends! and he was (so) scared... even though he had no reason to be. his music (, on numerous occasions has) made me cry.
and had my 3 year anniversary with jason. 3 (long) years, 3 (short) years and so many (many) more to go. he bought me (lovely) flowers! (for the first time ever! hah!) i will show them to you when i do my (dried flower) art. (i feel) i want to marry this boy.
what a lovely, lovely day.
(i feel like my past and my future have flashed before my eyes.)

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

life is a blur..

Friday, November 14, 2008

i dont ever want any of my friends to feel like they are alone or unworthy. so many of them have been hurt lately, and my heart just aches for them. i want to strive to be a really great friend because so many people in my life really need that right now.
they need someone to keep their hearts, and i dont want to leave any of them behind. i want to hold them and cry for them and stay up with them all night to talk. i always want them to feel like they are loved and that they have someone to confide in. i want them to really experience the good in life and to see how much they are cared for and appreciated. i want them to know the truth.

lately, i am immersed within the people i love. in their times of need i have realized one thing:
friends, you are my home.

Thursday, November 13, 2008

everything is changing.

im feeling dainty today... ive been drinking out of very tiny teacups.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

lately ive been wanting to make a series of dried flower art. i have many vintage wooden frames that would be perfect for things of this sort.
sadly, wildflowers are not in bloom at this time of year.
someone, please buy me a bouquet.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Saturday, November 8, 2008

the idea of a 365 journal is silly. i cant be bothered to write something on here 7 days a week. as youve seen, i have gone days and days without writing and it makes me feel bad. so now, this is just a normal journal. mmhmm.

as of late:
our one toilet broke and flooded our whole upstairs twice this week (pee everywhere!). our streets power went off all day today. ive no money for food. our heater is always breaking. the water sounds like a shooting gun because there is perma-air in the pipes. our oven burns cakes at 200 degrees. there are too many house centipedes. our walls are so cracked. there is too much mold. our shower drain is plugged so its like we are always having a bath. all of our lights flicker.
yet, i dont mind at all.
i love where i live.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

i feel so blessed to be alive today.

i am so so so excited with the turnout of the u.s. election.

tonight is a night of history!

and now is the time for change.

two very sweet things,

i swear, this is my last kitten post. 

during the day, it seems all of my emotions come in bursts. they say "poof!" and they are gone. i cannot think during the day, there are too many beep beeps and speak speaks and distractions. the world moves too fast. the night is when i come alive. this is the only time i can adjust and focus. the time when i can stay hidden from those who are the not i. i can keep myself away from the prying eyes of "them". night is when i see what i want to see - this is when i can be tucked inside myself and i can be it. i can be whole. this is when i thrive.
right now i am naked and cold, but i am here. i am aware and i am alive. yet i fear that when the sun comes up (though i will be warm again,) my mind will go numb. my own me will disappear.

Monday, November 3, 2008

chillin out maxin relaxin all cool

i want to fishy kiss this face.

apologies, ive been swallowed whole.