Monday, November 24, 2008

a circle, a square.

i want to be an elf, a hippie, a love child, a fairy.
i want to be so many things. when i look at groups and crowds and cliques i can only think that i am all of them. i am the goth, the really big geek who sits in the back. i am the world explorer and the loner. i am the principle and the most beautiful girl in school.
i am the dark and light and morning and night. i am the painter and the music maker. i am the christian, the buddist and the nudist. im the really rich kid, and the one who had to steal his bread. i am the bearded and the bald. im a fish. im the baker and the candlestick maker. i am the contradictory, i am the unfinished. i am a circle, i am a square.
i feel like a cat today, like i have 9 lives. i am realizing more and more that there are so many parts of my life that will never know the other parts.
maybe i am confused. but today i am feeling like so many separate things.
(though i probably wont be feeling this way tomorrow.)

on a separate note:
the past week was really good. i baked an apple pie and found a brownies dress among little girls vintage. i peeled clementines, bought baileys liquor chocolates and dried 2 bouquets. i sat amongst friends who quietly strummed guitar, i put a little boy to bed and i stole extra bread. i watched a strange movie, ate a really nice dinner out and kissed romantically by candle light.
this day has been lazy and among other things, im feeling intellectual. the trees are blowing over and guelph is getting another snowfall of the season.
things are so simple because i have made a purpose of not making things complicated. from my past i have learned that things are better left quiet. life is only happy if you focus on what is beautiful. that way, i dont cry too much.
of course i am afraid that soon, things will get twisted. school is very hard and some people i love are in very bad places in their lives. but winter months bring upon so much change. and as the seasons change, i change too. i can only only pray that the inevitable change is good.

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