Wednesday, December 31, 2008

the most comforting sound

static puts me to sleep. those songs that sound like they were recorded in basements, under staircases or from a pocket at a little show are always the best. the ones with coughs and claps and creeks and throat clearings... the sounds of rough and quiet. these are the most comforting sounds. they remind me of my younger self, fiddling around with my friends and listening to songs they would sing to me. they remind me of home.

Monday, December 22, 2008

She is standing on my eyelids
And her hair is in my hair
She has the color of my eye
She has the body of my hand
In my shade she is engulfed
As a stone against the sky

She will never close her eyes
And she does not let me sleep
And her dreams in the bright day
Make the suns evaporate
And me laugh cry and laugh
Speak when I have nothing to say 

Thursday, December 18, 2008


i may be hiding from the sun, or it may be hiding from me. it seems i can never sleep until its just about morning time, then i wake up when mom shows and infomercials are the only things on tv. all i want to do at nighttime now is to look at art and wish i could create it (that, that and that!) or watch films and be lazy and now my eyes are burning. home is a little lacking, but things are normal. i have been wrapping presents (not from me) alllllll day, and i am very very excited about christmas because i really love eating turkey. my family plays fun games and lovingly bickers at eachother all day long on christmas, and its my moms birthday too. we never save the wishbone.
last night i saw the sound of music with every single lady in my boyfriends family. all night i cried and shivered and held my hands to my face, it was the most wonderful thing. i wish sooooooo so so so so much that i had time to do another play right now (for those of you who do not know, i am an avid musical theater player and have been many characters, from chava to gretal to cinderella. theater and dance and singing were my entire life from ages 5-17.) since i started university i have not done any plays... i miss it terribly. i hope that those nights on stage will not just turn into a memory of mine. the stage is where i thrive! i want to feel that again.
i think i am getting sick because all i do is sit on my bum and bake. oh dear.
i wish i could write what i really wanted in here, but just as what has happened in my other blogs - ive become cautious. im too scared of everything. i want to say so many things! but i shouldnt, so i dont.
dont judge me. please, please dont ever judge me.
lately i feel like saying bad things.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Friday, December 12, 2008

im really, really happy with the mistakes i have made.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008


i am finally finished my first semester of third year. the past two months have been awful because of the incredible amount of school work i have had to do - ive never had to write so many papers in my life! big or small, my final count was roughly 30 for the semester. i think it might have even been more then that. it does seems my hard work has paid off and lately i am feeling infinitely smarter then i ever have before, but i just really hope i never have to go through that again.
now for the next month, i will not have to think about nietzche, kant, frege, malinowski, or wittgenstien at all! (but god knows i will still think of those impoverished, sexualized carribs or the slaves of major corporations in africa.)

my celebrations are less exciting then most. i will simply lie back with my favorite tea in hand, my favorite song repeating in my headphones and the best chocolate i can find. while among my dirty and tangled sheets and my softly lit tea lights, i will stare at the dark celling and bask (for hours) in the lovely tranquility of calm.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

too many things.

posts have been lacking because i have more schoolwork now then i ever have, or ever probably (hopefully) will again.
ive been losing sleep over too many things.
8 papers and 1 exam. eight papers and one exam.
ive been losing sleep over too many things.
pray for me if thats what you do.
ive been losing sleep over too many things.
i will come back to you on wednesday.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

its cold...

so im a snowbird now.