im your mamma

and i will protect you.

dont be sad, baby.

because i love you so.

cake for breakfast.

my roomate made it for me. it was real good. 

im 20 years old today.

he is a liar. 

i have to write a paper but i cant stop thinking.

i got a pink  _ _ _ _ _ _   _ _ _ _ _ _ _  from my family.

i want to forgive.

i want to tell you the truth, but i dont want to loose you again.

a kitten has disappeared.

my best friend is coming home soon.

i smell smoke.

those people make me nervous, thats why i dont want to go.

this is not a big deal.

there is a puppy here this week. 

my roommate made me a rose cake. 

i will watch "flakes" soon.

life. is. fragmented. 

happy birthday britney.

we are all liars.

time moves too fast.

sometimes i wish we could freeze it. 

i am always original.

in most aspects of life - there can be no rebellion. in art, almost everything has been done before. fads of fashions and favorite television shows will all be copies of the ones that came before. hairdos, favorite songs, and all other things are probably just rip offs.  everything is in a constant cycle that changes every once in a while, but will always circle back to what it had once been. 

but today i learned that within language, this is not the case. 

in my philosophy of language class we talked about the idea that absolutely nothing we say has ever been said before. words we form into sentences have probably never been formed that way. intentions are never the exact same as what they had been with another. with the exception of  some "hi, how are you?"s and "how do you do"s, nothing that we say in our day to day life has been muttered before. the sentence structure, the language  of speech, and the meaning are all that's that are completely new. everything i said today was new, unique, fresh. no matter what is being said, if moral or immoral, if the truth or a lie, it does not matter. the same principle always applies - there are no universal speech.  language is the only form of true rebellion. 

this gave me a new inspiration. as one who is constantly trying to be different and try my own way of things, i have often found myself thinking that there is no way that i could ever be different then the others who have thought the same ideas as me. we are all stuck in a cycle of unoriginality. an endless trap of doing the same thing as everyone else. the rut of mediocrity. 

language is my new found hope. language is my rebellion.

now, i am different then you. 

i am always original. 

mhmm.

i want to go places.

hi babies!

hi babies! sorry ive been away.
here are some pictures from my weekend...
lovey bike rides and waterfalls and more more more baby kitties.

consciousness

his epiphany,

happiness is only real when shared.

your voice singing,

"i like your company"

unite!

“we live in an age when unnecessary things are our only necessities.”

and unrelated, i am feeling very marxist today.

stop.

there have been a lot less thoughts on here then i would like, but its simply because i can never stop. my brain doesn't quit working and sometimes its very hard to pin down exactly what i want to say. i think a thought... but wait! then another, but wait! and another, but wait! wait! wait! 

stop.

today has been a quiet, melancholy day. im finding my studies have began to change me.
as an anthropology student, i am constantly learning about people and the world. not of equations or fairytales or experiments, but of real people that actually live their lives and their love. i am learning of history and about places beyond here and people who i will never meet but who i would have thought i was much better then. i learn of 8 million being reduced to 15,000. i learn of 21 hour work days. i learn about how we have said MY ways, MY clothes, MY religion. and i learn that we were wrong when we said "it will make your life better! we swear." because that turned into boiling limbs and "sorry to say, but your babies are gonna die." wait! i wish we could reverse the past and turn the world back around, like superman. because all i want to do is hold their faces and say "im sorry, im sorry, im sorry. i love you, i love you, i love you, because no one else ever has" or, i wonder if we can actually change our future. i dont want this to keep happening and i dont want to stand still. i think all we want is CHANGE. but we are standing still and change is not among us. and they, they cant want anything because they may never get it. OUR world, OUR technology, OUR money. money money money money. we havnt changed at all.(the pictures far too big to look at kid, your eyes wont open wide enough.)

wait! wait! wait!

i wish i could be a writer... but i never use capitals and 

stop.

woman of the woods

happy fall, folks.

i am thankful for her. 

what are you thankful for?

i love...

i love fall photo shoots with bri.
i love love singing ella fitzgerald & louie.
i love love love poetry readings & raw folk songs.
i love love love love little, giggling, blonde, baby boys.
i love love love love love new friends & a community of love.

-

tears of joy!

i saw ray lamontagne.
there are no words, just tears of joy, tears of joy, tears of joy!







my life is complete!

...

my real identity

colours

there are leaves in my hair.

i cannot play guitar.

ive always been too worried of what others will think of me to be an artist, a singer, a poet. ive had this constant fear of someone being able to look right inside of me if i were to spill my guts out in any of these ways. i see artists as the most brave people out there, no matter what they write or paint or sing. with everything they do, they put themselves on the line and show who they are, they allow themselves to be looked at and jugged and allow people to approve or not.

i wish i could be that way. but all of the things i do in private, i would never be able to show anyone. my own art is something that not another soul can see, because then it becomes tainted. instead of being something of beauty and release it turns into waves of worry and fear and loneliness. am i good? am i bad? i constantly long for peoples approval.
i always have something to say and a way i want to say it, but i am too afraid of peoples criticism. im too scared to be seen as wrong or illogical or dumb. i wholeheartedly fear the opinion of others. i can argue and debate in person but i cannot play guitar.

more and more lately ive had a longing to be that type of person who wants to sing for the sake of being heard, who can write for the sake of it being read, to create something for the sake of sight.

i wonder if this is the case for lots of people. i hope that what people see of others is just a small portion of a deep and intricate whole.
everyone but the artist is a coward.

nuit blanche! tonight!
and ive been playing with 3 little kittens allll day. i wish i wasnt so allergic...

its the saddest part of my day when you go away.

cozy day,

the day has been quite wet and dreary outside, ive been sleepy and cold but all of that misery always brings good things. french movies until 4am, knitted blankets and walking in the rain to buy pre-loved cds. i rather like this weather.
hawksley came to my school today and talked about canadaian politics for a long time, he is such a poet.
and we are a hopeful generation.
oh, and i made pumpkin scuffins to celebrate the first of october yesterday. they are a mixture of scones and muffins, they were delicious! cinnamon and brown sugar and the taste of fall. i love october.

on tuesday night,

one of my dearest friends graham and my favorite people from my teenage years are on tour with weezer! so on tuesday i got to see them play at the air canada center. it was one of the most exciting concerts i have ever been to... because... its WEEZER. (omg.)

oh, and angels and airwaves too. but ignore that. (ahah..)

i had to bring my camera even though i hate cameras at concerts...

we were very very far away, but i didnt mind. 

weezer invited lots of toronto musicians on stage to play their instruments. an old indian man in a white suit did a lovely accordian solo to "island in the sun". mmmhmmmm. 

sunday afternoon.

on sunday we slept in late then did a lot of roof reading, 

on saturday me and some of my roomates went to the applebutter and cheese festival. it was a long drive and we ate sooooo much food. 

these men were so cute! even though this picture is bad. 

i got a turkey leg that was the size of my FACE

it rained a little.

old lady square dancers. they were so cute!

it was a tiring day.

after this we all had 3 hour naps.

our friday evening in fall.

 the past few days have been really great. lots of adventures.. each adventure will get a seperate post. 

this was our friday evening in fall. it was a really beautiful day filled with lots of amaretto gelato and books and cowboy boots that dont fit me and saying goodbye to my favorite late record store.